Pain

Like it didn't hurt already, that just added on more ..

Just reading it or seeing it just made it worse. I don't know what to think or say or do about it. It makes me mad cos I can't really do anything about it. Honestly, I'm upset with myself mostly. I hate how I've grown apart rather than grow close. If it's one thing I hate, it is that. Each day, it gets more awkward. I want to say something but I'm afraid to because from just not being around for a while, it feels like we have nothing to say to each other anymore. Even if it's just a random thought, I don't wanna say it. Only because I know the conversation would just end at that, because I know it's as short as it could ever be, because I know that we hardly have anything to say to each other now, because I know -- it just hasn't been the same anymore. I try REALLY hard not to cry about it. It's unhealthy to leave it in, I know. I just can't believe that it's happening at this time, when we're almost to the end. I just .. I don't know anymore.

I miss it. I miss those days. I miss the times we all shared. Random hang outs, conversations, etc. I miss the moments where we dgaf and just did whatever we wanted to, just so we could be together. So close, yet so far. It seems like we were just having fun one day and we came the next day and it became extremely awkward cos we ran out of things to say. That's what it feels like.

This is why, most of the times, I would just sit there alone & listen to my mp3, or just sit there by myself to think maybe I did something wrong along the way. I lied to myself for a while, telling myself It's nothing. Don't worry about it. I know my excuse to some of you was I'm tired and I'm sorry for that. I don't know what to say. I tried. I still feel like whatever I say doesn't have any interest. It's like, one sentence, PERIOD. I'm not saying that I want attention. I just miss a lot of things, almost everything, mostly everything, maybe everything. I just miss everyone.

It looks like I don't care but I really do ..