1.) My dad was just telling me about the death of his grandparents the other day and about the history about Vietnam and how North and South were separated. Since his father and the rest of his families were in the South, while he was on the North with the others, he didn't find out about his father's death until years after. Then something about when communists won in the war, North and South finally got to meet again and that's when he found out about his dad, when his aunties and uncles from the other side came to tell him. As for his grandmother, no one knows what happened to her. He apparently never got to meet her, which sucks. I could hear the sadness in his voice when he tells me about this. I almost teared up but I looked away every time to try to stop the tears from falling. Sigh, if only grown ups had the guts to let out their cries. They always keep all their emotions in. I think that's why I never had the guts to tell them about my problems, cos they never took the initiative to do that, to tell us that it's okay to talk to them about emotional things and cry to them when we needed to.
2.) "because I'm not the kind of girl that guys fall in love with."
I'm not gonna lie. This still gets to me every single day. All these couples in the streets, my family, my siblings, my friends -- it's like they've all had some type of a relationship going on while I'm just sitting around watching. Everyone is talking to me about their love problems. Don't get me wrong, I love hanging out with you guys and I love giving you advice or listening in on your conversations, just because you needed me to listen or to be there for you. I enjoy being there for you, I really do. I just .. excuse me, but I hate it too. Don't even tell me that you understand cos most of you have already had a boyfriend when you just started middle school or maybe even earlier in elementary school. So you wouldn't understand what I'm going through. I'm eighteen, turning nineteen. I'm not in a rush or anything, to get into relationships or any of that. It just kills me cos if you read that quote up there .. it kills me cos no one has made a move yet. Even if it's that everyday glance at me with his pretty eyes or that feeling of butterflies in my stomach, I want to feel that. My whole life that I've been around, I've only had that little crush on guys because they were cute or just because they were nice to me for a little while. I don't want NICE. I want to crush on someone that I would talk to my friends about for hours and not even realize it. Not just for a few days but every day. I don't just wanna talk about him, I want to have the feeling too. I don't want to question it. I want to know. This is almost too complicated to explain.
3.) "when people actually remember your birthday without Facebook."
So, I took the time to take off my birthday on Facebook. This year, I just wanna see how many people actually remember it without having some website remind them. If I'm really your friend or even some one that you actually care for, you should remember it. Just sayin'.
4.) All this talk about the world ending, it's really sad. People should just stop talking about that. Stop worrying everyone else about that. Just live you life to the fullest. If you believe that it's really going to end, then go do everything that you always wanted to do so you wouldn't regret it once the world is ended. Not to sound mean or anything but we were told about 2012 then a while later, they said it was false. There have been many earthquakes and tsunamis, including this huge one in Japan just recently. All we can do is pray, go help them or donate to them - the rest we should leave for the professionals to take care of. We can't do much by worrying all the time.
5.) I just had a talk with my auntie last night about my grandma. She only has less than 3 months of life left in her. I haven't seen her since early February this year. Everyone's just chit-chatting and laughing all day to take the pain away. I know they're all hurting though. My other aunties and uncles even came by to ask about my grandma. We've been talking about it everyday. "How is she doing? Does she remember you? Did anything happen? Did the doctor say anything? How much longer?" I question it everyday. No one wants to take us kids to go see her though. They say it's "bad for you" or "they don't let kids in the hospital" or "no, you have to stay home" or think of some lame excuse. I want to see her for the last time. I don't want to attend her funeral and see her in the casket or maybe it'll be just the casket itself. But still, I want to see her while she still has her few last breaths left in her to ask "who are you?" at least .. I just want to see her.
6.) "I want a late night adventure. I want someone to call me up and say, “I’m outside. Let’s go do something!” I want to go out late at night in my pj’s and my hair all tied up. Maybe drive around. Go to a park and just swing on the swings. Maybe sit in the grass and watch the stars or maybe go to a 24 hour food place and pig out. I just want a late night adventure with people I like to be around. No drama. Nothing but good vibes and good company."
I feel like .. so much has been going on lately and the year has just barely begun. I just want to get away, no worries, no drama, nothing. I wanna have a good time. No, I don't wanna party and get drunk. I wanna gaze at city lights; I wanna have the wind blow in my face while riding on a roller coaster; I wanna roam around big streets and explore different places; I wanna see the happy looks on people's faces and have an automatic smile on my face; I want a simple yet exciting day; I wanna look like a mess, dressed in my pj's and walk around with my friends looking like dorks but still having fun; I wanna have a crazy last minute sleepover plan, watch movies, take silly pictures, play games, and snack on unhealthy snacks all day; I wanna have an adventure and possibly almost get in trouble and not have a worry in our systems; Let's just have an adventure!
Happy. Sad. Happy. Sad. Happy. Sad.
This needs to stop. Happy days need to come back. I need some fun. I wanna be excited for something. I wanna go somewhere. I wanna do something.
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